Happy Families? Pushy parents should devote less time to their children and more to their marriages, says a new book Photo: GETTY

My guilt at skipping off to the theatre with my husband for a cultural fix and leaving our children with the babysitter was justified. On our return, we were informed that the five-year old had pushed the three-year-old off the sofa. The three-year old - realising that he could not match his sibling in strength - had relieved himself in a bucket, then chucked the contents over his brother’s head.

‘This,’ said the critical voice in my head, ‘is what you get for pursuing your own frivolous needs at the expense of your darlings! It all goes Lord of the Flies.’ And yet, secretly, I felt proud. What intelligence they showed! What resourcefulness! And while I would never claim delight in a slosh of urine being been tipped over my dear eldest boy, there was a faint, satisfying belief that he had learned a lesson, one which, had I been there roaring ‘Don’t fight!,’ would have passed him by.

And so I, and every well-meaning but fallible parent, is rejoicing at the news that by leaving our children to their own devices while we enjoy ourselves as a couple, we mothers and fathers are not damaging our progeny, but enriching their lives, a theory now made official by the publication of ‘To Raise Happy Kids Put Your Marriage First’ by the American family therapist David Code.

Code believes that by suffocating our children with attention while neglecting our relationship with our partner, we stifle their development. ‘Families centred on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children,’ he says. ‘We parents are too quick to sacrifice our lives and our marriages for our kids. A good marriage sets a great example for your children’s future relationships and that’s win-win for the whole family.’ … Continue Reading

*******************************************

Not related to above article:

Parent Pages lists lots of information, advice and resources for parents with babies, children and teenagers. We list online and local family friendly organisations, so whether you are looking for something national or something on your doorstep you will find it on the Parent Pages website. You will find information on local schools, tutors, nurseries, pre-schools, childcare, childminders, days out, as well as useful information on home-educating, pregnancy, childbirth, fostering and adoption, divorce and separation, holidays. We list many local and national children’s charities and charities for parents, offering advice and support for children or parents with disabilities, special needs, adhd, aspergers, autism and other learning difficulties.

Parent Pages doesn’t just list paying advertisers, so you get a comprehensive guide to what’s available in your local area. Search our directory using the dropdown menu.We have set the page at Dance Schools in Bromley to show you an example.CLICK to make your own selections!